The First Annual "Be Eric's Main Man" Competition.

Saturday, September 2nd will mark The First Annual "Be Eric's Main Man" Competition. The winner of which will be awarded the title of my "Main Man" for the 2006 - 2007 season. Meaning that throughout the year, whenever I tell a story or anecdote that features the winner of said competition, I will be required to pretense their name with "My Main Man." For instance, if the winner's name is Jeff and I'm telling a story about car jacking (and for the sake of argument the hypothetical Jeff is an experienced car jacker) I must say, "You know, my main man Jeff is into that car jacking, he does it efficently and often..." It goes without saying that I will be forbidden to make negative comments about whomever wins, as my "Main Man" must hold a certain amount of cool points/credibility. Ladies, not to fret, if a Woman-Folk happens to win, I shall refer to them as "My Main Home Girl" throughout the winning year. I hope you all understand and look forward to seeing you at the competition!


This year's tasks will include (but are not limited to):

Bread Baking
Car Jacking
Bear Fighting
Ninja-Star Throwing
Figure Skating
Keg Stands
Removing Invisible Snake Venom from My Penis (Female Participants Only)
Building Me A New Deck
Killing People That Disagree With Me
Coffee Brewing
Removing Prostitute/Hobo Corpses From My Basement
Convincing Your Dirty Whore Sister That I Don't Swear Too Fucking Much
Getting Me Into Public Office

Good Luck Contestants!