The Last Intervention of Christ
Judas: Christ! You’ve got a drinking problem!
Christ: Were you taking my name in vain or were you actually talking to me? (Takes a sip)
Judas: I was talking to you. Man, you have a drinking problem, a serious one! The town’s women said you ran rampant last night and showed off your “Little Jesus” to an elderly woman at the market!
Christ: Fuck that skank! I’m not as think as you drunk I am! It’s only wine! Christ!
Judas: Quit taking your own name in vain! Christ!
Christ: Christ! Damn it!
Judas: Christ!
Christ: What?
Judas: Nothing. Want another drink?
Christ: Dear Lord, yes!
Judas: See!!??
Christ: Christ, what?
Judas: You know what? Your Dad can be a total dick, Man. Whew!
Christ: Lord, I know! He makes me dress like a pansy. I hate this toga, it makes me look like such a fag! Fucking Christ, I need a drink!
Judas: Holy fuck, me too!
Christ: I love drinking! My Dad can be a real twat, but he’s fucking cool for thinking this drinking shit up! Whew!
Judas: Whew! Christ! Christ!?
Christ: What?
Judas: What?
Christ: What!? Christ! What? Oops, I fucking answered myself! (Deranged drunken laughter)
Judas: (Gurgling, vomiting noise)
Christ: (Inaudible) Christ! (More laughter)
posted by Eric at Saturday, November 05, 2005
3 Comments:
He'd have to be an alcoholic. The dudes blood IS wine! Transubstantiation so no laughing matter. They should have transubstantiation anonymous meetings.
Do you really know Gods great love? You may not have looked into very far.
In the beginning God created us to live forever in paradise with him without having to worry about. His intentions were to raise us as his daughters and sons, to keep us safe and be happy with him forever. Then one day Satan tempted Eve in the Garden to eat of the tree of knowledge that God told her not to eat from. When Eve fail into temptation she tricked Adam into it also. In the afternoon when God was walking through the garden to be with them he called their names. They were afraid of God because they disobeyed him. God sent them out of the garden because of what they did. God cared so much for them he even made them clothes out of animal skin where they wouldn't be embarassed. When that happened God had a plan to get them back to him. Over the years their were prophecies about Jesus coming into the world save his people.
God planted the seed of the Holy spirit in Mary's womb, who was Lord Jesus Christ, to be born. God was pleased with Mary that's why he chose her to be a messenger for the Lord. Jesus grew up living without sin and went through everything that a person goes through and overcame it for us. Jesus preached the Gospel over several years. Then Judas betrayed him, one of his 12 deciples. In the last 12 hours of his life he was whipped, beaten, cursed at, eyes gauged out, was humiliated, and much more just to give us the opportunity to be in heaven with him again. After all of the pain he went through for us they hung him up on a cross and tempted him saying," If your the son of God come down off the cross then we'll believe you!" When he died that afternoon he went down to the center of the Earth and got the keys to the gates of hell where he will be the one to judge and tell who can come into God's kingdom. When Jesus resurected from the grave he lived n Earth for a month and a half with his deciples and follwers teaching and preaching. When he left, he sent the holy ghost, which is Jesus Christ's spirit, as the comforter for his people.
To sum up all of this up God loved us so much that he came down to Earth lived our life without sin and died as the perfect sacrafice for all of our sins just to give the opportunity to be with him. He would do all of this for even one person if they fell away from him and the rest were still in heaven.
That is how much God loves us.
Jesus' blood was represented by wine in the last supper and the bread represented his body. That is why during the last supper he told them drink this cup in rememberence of me. He prophecied to his deciples about his death that would take place, and he also told them that he was going to rebuild the temple in three days. What he meant by the temple is that when he died on the cross as a perfect sacrafice he would then have control over who went to heaven or hell. Before jesus died the devil had everybody already condemned to hell. The reason why everybody was already condemned to hell is that since the fall of Adam and Eve mankind became born with a sinful nature. Due to that, we beacme born of the devil and not of God anymore. That is why when you get saved you become born again and past is washed away.
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