Hostess to Unvail Treatment Center.

In a recent press release, Michael R. Mandree, CEO of Hostess Snack Cake Corporation announced the company's plans to unvail a new treatment center for sufferors of H.H.A., or Ho-Ho Addiction, in the near future. This is expected to be in regards to the recent allegations of Hostess adding significant doses of Opiotine to their products. Scientists researching the substance have quoted it as being a potent mixture of Opium and Nicotine, causing numerous side effects and being six times as addictive as Methadone (synthetic heroin).

The center will have a labyrinth of detox programs as well as a foosball table and a vast selection of drug-free dessert cakes, supplied by Hostess rival/ sworn enemy Little Debbie. The Hostess Presidential Comittee is displeased with the forced calls to competition, but experts say even the sight of a Hostess wrapper will send the detox patients into a heated fit of rage, vomitting, and sexual neandering.

The new facility is expected to be open to patients by the end of the year, until that time H.H.A. sufferors are asked to keep away from anything labeled as Hostess and drink plenty of vermuth, as the dry alcohol keeps the Opiotine's addictive nature at bay. In a sense.


- Eric Baehr, I-Made-It-Up-News Correspondant