Writing.

To say my work is trite, unresearched, and redundant is a gross understatement. It's an insult to authors who write trite, unresearched, and redundant literature. I mean, let's get real. They say that if you put a million monkies in a room with typewriters they'll eventually crank out Hamlet. In contrast, I can barely turn out a legible shopping list for only myself to read. To add insult to injury, I claim myself to be a writer. Take that, Kerouac! He wrote some of the most thought provoking works of last century and English was his second language. Second! So where do I get off? I write lame essays about cat feces and my pop culture political beliefs. I'm about as politically minded as Dennis Rodman is fashion aware. See how out of date I am, I just used a Dennis Rodman joke! No one's heard his name since 97!

After I spend about two minutes writing a "piece" (piece of what you may be asking yourself), I insist on sending it to everyone I know in hopes of a pat on the back, like some dog who wants to be loved by his negligant master. Not to say my friends are negligant, they just encourage me. Which leads me to believe they're part of the problem. Like when a teacher tells the kid who eats glue that his macaroni sculpture of a pile of macaroni is "original and daring" he'll continue to do feeble-minded things, like making sculptures out of macaroni. I could take the easy way out and say I write for my own benefit, but that's not true. I know how dumb I am and refuse to read from an author who is such a waste of my time. I could simply stop writing, but that'd give me too much free time, as writing is my day job. I'd end up like that kid from the analogy, gluing piles of macaroni into bigger piles of macaroni and waiting for the teacher to tell me that I'm a prodigy. (This analogy works really well, simply replace "macaroni" with "shit" and it immediatly applies to writing. Any writer would have to agree.)

Maybe it's not my fault at all, maybe it's the fault of writers in general. Where do they get off? Isn't writing a book the most narcisistic thing to do? Someone gets a little idea in their head like "Wouldn't it be neat if a big dog went crazy and started killing people in Maine!?" or "My name's Bill Clinton and I was the President of the United States of America!" and jots it down on paper, expecting people to be interested enough in it to spend hours of their lives to sit and read about it. What assholes! I think we've got better things to do, like make macaroni sculptures and fish for compliments. Assholes!